Dan Petito Horror Uncategorized

Clown: A Very Bad Horror Movie You Should Probably Still See, I Guess

"So what's the problem just take off the clown suit, man"

If for some strange reason you’re looking to continue having demonic clowns burned into your memory after seeing It, then you might want to check out Clown. By most movie standards Clown is not good; a man who puts on a clown suit he can’t take off and slowly turns into a clown demon isn’t exactly touting itself as a masterpiece. Is Clown bad? Yes, but it’s about a guy who can’t take off a clown suit slowly turning him into a clown demon, and that definitely counts for something.

Clown started off as a fake trailer from Jon Watts (Spiderman: Homecoming) advertising Eli Roth as its “Director” and the rest kind of falls into place from there. Roth came on to executive produce and Watts co-wrote and directed. There are some interesting ideas buried in Clown, but they’re overshadowed by the fact that it is not humanly possible to take this movie seriously.

Screen Shot 2017-09-17 at 8.55.26 PM
Spoiler: It doesn’t come off

There’s a scene about halfway through the movie where main character Kent is almost full-blown clown demon; he decides to try blowing his own brains out (because who really wants to turn into a clown demon), the attempt unsuccessful other than a hilarious surprise splattering of rainbow-colored goop all over the walls.

That was the moment when Clown became watchable, if only in a purely guilty-pleasure type way — it revealed itself as the true B-horror movie that it is, and wasn’t shy to wear it proudly on its’ sleeve.

Slightly boosting the fringe acceptance of Clown as a watchable movie is Herbert Karlsonn, the routine prophetic “know’s everything that’s going on” character. Karlsonn’s played by the great Peter Stormare, whom you may remember from 90’s classic Armageddon; though really he’s the best Hollywood actor you could point to most commonly referred to as “that guy.”

Stormare played the Russian cosmonaut who enjoyed yelling Russian Space Station over and over again — he was really passionate about that space station. Karlsonn previously knew of the costumes’ existence as he was the last one to wear it. He explains to Kent—as he has him tied down on a table prepared to chop his head off—the costume is the skin and hair of a demon, and the only way to stop his transformation is to be decapitated. As you can imagine, Kent is not fond of this news.

It begins to spiral out of control from there as Karlsonn later reveals that, alternatively, the demon requires the consumption of three children to break the curse. I wasn’t sure what was worse, the fact that Kent will now contemplate the decision of eating three children, or that Karlsonn previously ate three children; I’d prefer to not have to weigh in on that decision.

Originally I was going to write a longer piece on Clown but after re-watching it I realized that isn’t humanly possible, nor did I really want to. Perhaps I’ve already written too much. I’ve definitely written too much. Have a look below at some shots of Kent’s transformation. Sleep well…

Not a Clown DemonScreen Shot 2017-09-21 at 10.36.56 PM

Kind of a Clown DemonScreen Shot 2017-09-17 at 9.05.29 PM

Normal Day At the Hardware StoreScreen Shot 2017-09-21 at 10.36.12 PM

Basically Full-on Clown DemonScreen Shot 2017-09-17 at 9.12.52 PM

RunScreen Shot 2017-09-21 at 10.35.03 PM

2 comments

  1. So, Dan, what are your thoughts on the new IT movie?! I enjoyed it, personally. Actually saw it 2x now in theaters so that says a lot considering the amount to see a new movie these days.
    Favorite horror movie of all time – not sure if it is considered horror now, more sci-fi – but Aliens is my ultimate go to. You a fan of the Alien series + the new ones out now?

    Like

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